• Nadja Eriksson

Book excerpt: You Are a Queen

How sex has been used throughout history by women around the world


It is no secret that female sexuality has been traded as a commodity for centuries. Throughout history, women have exchanged sex for security, food, shelter, protection, and money. Their sexuality was regarded as a tradable good, something women could use to make their way in the world.


This has made female sexuality into something one could put a price tag on: the price of a commoner’s pussy would be way lower than that of a lady. To have a lady’s pussy in your possession, you’d have to be the owner of a castle. To entertain the pleasure of a street girl, you'd only need a few coins or a bottle of brandy.


The price-tag on her pussy would place her in the world's hierarchy and determine her “net-worth”. Men in power would have to pay a high price to “steal” (read: rape or violate) a pussy of great value they didn’t have ownership to. But violating a pussy of lower value would hardly lead to punishment at all -- it could even lead to her punishment.

So where has this led women in regard to how they see their sexuality today?


The sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s was a great liberation for women. During World War II, housewives in Europe, America, and parts of Asia were brought into the workforce. At the time, this was an area reserved for men.


Women ventured out of the kitchens and into the factories, for the first time earning their own money. They experienced empowerment through sisterhood and freedom from male oppression. They were no longer isolated as struggling housewives.


This was a great leap for the collective consciousness.


By the end of the war, many had gotten used to their newfound freedom. It was not easy for them to leave their jobs to the men and return to the kitchen. They had tasted the freedom of money and independence, and they wanted more.

After the war, in the 1950s, the women in the Western World experienced the great post-war prosperity. To appease her growing restlessness after getting back behind the stove, the image of the perfect housewife was created. But all the household appliances in the world could not tame her power and wildness, a.k.a. the Big She.


In the mid-60s, her perineal restlessness was so strong that the Sexual Revolution was the only way for her to survive. Women started expressing their sexual power more and more. This was the first time the women's liberation movement took place in such a large part of the collective consciousness. It came to a point of no return, and housewives were once again streaming out of the kitchens. Signs of deep, underlying changes in society became obvious everywhere.

How did this affect her value?


Liberated women were taking back their power and were free to establish their own values. But her vagina was still used as a commodity that could be sold to the highest bidder.


The price was now up to each individual woman, and the price she put on it was often reflected in her perceived self-worth or her moral coding. Society and her immediate surroundings still played a big role in the way she valued herself. It would, however, no longer mean life or death for her as it did in the past.


In the mid-eighties and nineties, women's liberation had taken hold in society. Women all over the Western World were making their own money and designing their own lives.


They were, however, still accustomed to the old ways of thinking.


Their survival instincts told them that they would be safer in the arms of a man, but now they no longer needed to use their genitals for survival. This was when she shifted more into greed and demand mode.


Love stories fed to her by Hollywood and other promoters of the Romantic Dream were taking hold in her mind, and she'd still experience an inner emptiness and perineal restlessness.


She was dissatisfied with her accomplishments of newfound wealth and personal freedom and was now turning to men for romance. Popular culture followed up, and her pussy gained a new price tag: how romantic and committed could he be to her and only her?

As the illusion of “happily-ever-after” started to fade in the late 1990s and early 2000s, she grew restless again


Huge numbers of Western women began turning to spiritual traditions of the East. Yoga, meditation, and other practices became a fashionable means of finding answers to her big questions. Through this, she established a relationship to purity, harmony, and inner silence. Her sexuality, however, was not addressed in a way that could silence her perineal restlessness. She still kept seeking for fulfillment in love and sexuality on the outside.


Between 2010 and 2015, a new wave of Eastern spirituality started emerging in the West: the art of Tantra, or conscious sexuality, is part of every major world religion.


We're not going to elaborate on the history or practices of tantric traditions in this book, we're only saying that conscious sexuality is inspired by some rituals, wisdom, and exercises of Tantra. For this book, we've altered some of these ancient teachings to suit the modern woman of today.


So what is the sexual status of modern women today?


To sum it up with one word, it is confusion.


Today, women are more than ever capable of caring for themselves. They’re able to acquire the means to live healthy, satisfying lives without being dependent on a male partner in most Western societies.


This trend is slowly spreading all over the world. We do not, in any sense of survival, need men anymore. We don’t even need them for romance. Instead, we romanticize the relationships with our girlfriends.


We can be content spending time with our girlfriends and dreaming about our perfect partner. Sometimes this feels less scary than entering an actual flesh-and-blood relationship.


To appease perineal restlessness, there is TV on demand, books, and social media. For the sexual part, there are vibrators for times when the urge gets too overwhelming. In fact, most women have an easier time orgasming without a man than with one. But the mechanical contraptions used to achieve the clitoral peak orgasm do not satisfy her deepest core, (what we call the Big She), and she becomes restless, disillusioned, and unhappy.

She no longer shines her inner beauty and radiance into the world


In some cases, she still puts a price tag onto her pussy, and in some rare cases, she's even able to make a living with it. She is, however, becoming increasingly numb, bored, and uninterested in sex and men.


She no longer depends on a man to use her body for his satisfaction, and she has never really learned how to enjoy it for her own pleasure. However, women are far from satisfied in their solitude. They are longing for the deep, inner connection of love and companionship.


The widening chasm between the masculine and feminine worlds has created a society where men and women no longer need each other to survive. The search for love and connection is now the only reason to seek togetherness.


With the misinterpreted notions that we as humans have about love, we’re looking for it in the wrong places


Most of us know that love resides in the heart, but the misunderstanding is that it resides in the heart of another person.


The correct understanding about love residing in the heart has become corrupted by the Romantic Dream, or idea of the one and only true soulmate. There is no such thing as one perfect match for everybody. The perfect match for you and your love resides in your heart alone.


Whether you enter into a romantic partnership or not is irrelevant to your capacity for love.


What happens when lovers meet is that they feel the capacity of love in their own hearts. They let down their guards and open up to each other. In this opening, they soften their habitual defense mechanisms, and the true love of their Higher Selves can shine through.

This way, they resonate in alignment with each other. This can last for a second or a lifetime. Thus, true love should never be pinned onto another person. When you do this, you lose the ability to connect to your own heart and to give unconditional love towards yourself and your partner. That is why we see so many unhappy people in “happy" relationships.


More and more people are asking to find true, unconditional love. This is the reason for this book. By awakening your body and heart, you will be able to feel this love in yourself. Opening your heart while connecting to your sex center will lead to the contentment of your perineal restlessness. This way, you will be able to meet men with the unconditional love of your deepest heart.


A Paradigm Shift: The Independent Woman


You may have heard of the Mayan Calendar, the Age of Aquarius, or the paradigm shift of 2012. Maybe you were even expecting some kind of Big Bang. And in the collective consciousness, it was indeed a Big Bang: 2012 marked the time when the feminine empowerment movement became strong enough to stand on her own energetic feet.


A critical mass of women had crossed the threshold of material independence. The independent woman no longer had to fight for her right to party. More and more women were supporting each other to step up into their power and to stand on their own. Large numbers of women created businesses and networks based on their empowerment.

The question of not being mere copies of men in the work environment became frequent among women. Deeper questions of feminine business power surfaced. She heard the call of wisdom from deep in her womb. It was urging her to create a more sustainable world for herself and her children.


The gap between the world of men and women grew wider as women created worlds of their own, as did the men. The misunderstanding between the sexes and the pain from earlier experiences were rising to the surface at high speed. This created more painful situations, which rose to a peak during the #MeToo movement.

An increasing number of divorces and broken homes created the notion of the serial monogamist


People would change partners whenever the pain of their current relationship became too much to bear. Moving into a new commitment with the hope of their new partner becoming their one and the only right person became a common practice. In the course of ever-changing relationships and broken dreams, she became disillusioned in her search for love on the outside.


Thus, she created the Independent Woman who did not need, trust, or even want a man, but her perineal restlessness would remind her that something was still missing.

The longing for love in her heart would make her ask deeper questions around the idea of interdependent partnerships. Although she no longer needed a man, she was still longing for love’s warm embrace in her body. Her perineal restlessness was calling for a mate.


Embedded in her feminine nature lies the longing for deep connection to her masculine counterpart. She could no longer muffle her true nature’s calling by using vibrators to release her body of sexual life force energy.

In her pain, she had become unable to open the channel between her sexual center and her heart. This channel is embedded in her physical body through the wiring of her nervous system. It links her deeper parts (cervix and womb) to her true sexual center--her heart.


When a woman performs sex to please her partner, get commodities, or for any other reason which is not connected to her true heart’s desire, she'll feel the disconnection in her body. She experiences this as parts of herself hurting, being numb, or experiencing sex only from her headspace, thinking about other things, or fantasizing. She can even be in fear or freeze mode and still perform sex. She is playing the horny girl to please her partner although she's not feeling it at all. She has learned this from the portrait of sex in the media, especially in porn.

Pornography has moved modern sexuality more and more in the direction of picture-perfect


The form is valued over the content. But when the substance is missing, the speed tends to escalate. The introduction of the moving image changed our perception from content to form. Instead of feeling attracted to energy, our minds get bombarded with high-speed images of how sex should look like. This is often followed by the prescriptions of emotions attached to the form.


This led us to search in the form to achieve the desired feelings, but it all became upside down: instead of coming from a place of feeling good first and creating from there, we started to look for outer perfection in the desire to feel on the inside good once we have achieved outer perfection.

One possible antidote to this is to reclaim your body and your sexuality


By reclaiming your sexual power and allowing yourself to feel pleasure deep inside yourself, you can start to feel the world from the inside again. You will no longer rely on the form to try to feel certain emotions. You'll have the embodied understanding that when you allow yourself to feel the desired emotion, the perfect form to match this feeling will manifest in the physical.


So what is the reason for all this “falseness” playing itself out in female sexuality?


We’re all looking for love, and in this case, couples’ love has become strongly linked to sexuality. Sex has the capacity to grow into love but it is, in itself, not an act of love.


For centuries, the act of sex has been linked far more to violence and the need for survival than true love. A woman portraying pleasure was able to hold on to her partners longer than a woman showing her disgust towards the misconceived act of sex. This way, there was a bigger chance that she and her offspring would survive under the protection of a man.

She'd find consolation and inspiration for her performance in bed and her romantic fantasies in books and later movies. By consuming the romantic stories that were not reflected in her own life, she'd disconnect from feeling her body and create evergreen dreams in her mind. This would leave her body in distress.


Only on very few occasions would she be truly seen and loved by her partner, so she could take down her guard and allow real love to enter.


Only by being fully present in her experience can she heal old wounds and meet her lover from her true essence. Only by awakening her Big She, or her true Self, will she be able to hold both herself and her lover in the embrace of unconditional love.

This also goes for her sexuality. By awakening her inner guidance system through her womb, heart, and mind she can determine whether the man she is with is right for her or not. This requires deep self-love and a willingness to shed all acts of falseness.


In the depth of her heart, she is longing for love, but in her mental confusion, she has mistaken love for sex and romance.


Once she can feel the connection to her innermost core of love (which has nothing to do with sex and romance), she will be able to project unconditional love onto any circumstance. Even if a situation may look devastating from the outside, she will still be able to assume the higher perspective of her Big She.


Who You Think You Are and Who You Really Are


Who you think you are and who you really are might be two very different things, depending on how much spiritual practice you’ve done before. If you’re new to this work, the ideas presented here may sound odd or alien to you. Yet we invite you to listen on a deeper level and to feel if the energy behind these words resonates with you.


You may think that you’re the name you’ve been given at birth, that you’re the daughter of your mother and father, or that you were raised to be a certain way. You’ve been told that you’re great at some things and less good at others, what to expect from life, and what happens to people who do this or that.


Truth is, you’ve been told how to be in the world from the angle of fear


Your parents did their best to form your personality into something they thought would enable you to survive in a fear-based world.

The fear that you might lack material goods, love, or wellbeing if you didn’t get a proper education caused your parents and government to make you sit still, shut up, and do as you were told. They believed that this was the only way you could become a productive part of society and amount to something in life. Your parents were told what to do, who to be, and how to behave by their parents.


The idea that you need proper education to survive in this world is one of the most upside-down things the fear-based mind has ever come up with. In fact, the educational system is designed to take away your natural, built-in curiosity and ability to learn. You were born with a fully functional guidance system to help you get the knowledge you need at any given moment.


Your natural curiosity and built-in instincts cause you to listen for the things you’re naturally predisposed to be good at

Children almost always copy the way adults work and play. A child’s natural curiosity will bring her to be interested in how the world around her works. If she’s surrounded by playful, happy, and fun-loving adults, she’ll naturally take part in the chores needed to be done in a household. Children learn what they need to survive and thrive because the natural state of humans is thriving.


Over the past few thousand years, children were increasingly looked upon as inadequate and unable to care for themselves. The idea that teenagers are lazy has become common, which in turn has caused the educational system to put more pressure on the learning process.

Since the teachers grading their students are looking for their own acknowledgment from a system based on measuring facts, the goal-oriented pursuit of approval is pushed onto those considered incapable of knowing their own best interests. This leads to several unfortunate forms of personalities, which children later adopt as their true identities.


You may think that you are the one who is clever, the one who can never do anything right, the one who’s always in trouble, or the one who never speaks up. You assess yourself and your worthiness based on these misconceived criteria, created by people who are equally confused in the perception of who they are. This dance goes on and on until the pain becomes too much to handle and you start reaching for a solution.

This is when most people encounter their first glimpses of who they really are, and they start asking questions about spirituality. You may have had a profound spiritual experience (or revelation), or you may have the feeling that there’s more out there for you. Of course, you are right. Everything you’ve been told is a lie. It’s a deception of how the universe works.


As a human being, you’re looking at your dream reality


Everything you see around you is the product of your mind. You are a spirit in a human body, and you’re here to explore the contrast between your fear-based ego-mind and the Mind of God. You’re slowly waking up to the reality that everything around you is based on the Love of God.

You’re either sharing the perception of God or the perception of ego. Ego equals fear, God equals love.

When you look at a situation through the lens of fear, you cannot see God. You can only see suffering, pain, and separation. This is an illusion, but still, a reality made up in your mind. Your perception is real to you, and thus it is a valid part of your reality.


Understanding this might seem complex, but in fact, it is quite simple. God gave humans free will. Your free will gives you two possibilities: you can either choose to see a situation through the lens of fear or the lens of love. God doesn’t insert Himself into your life to push His love upon you. That is why God’s love is unconditional.


Whether you choose to live your life from fear or love, God’s love is always with you


Free will gives you the possibility to choose your direction at any moment. And as a child of God, you always have guidance.

God has planted an inner guide into your heart and mind, and in this book, we call her your Big She. She is also known as the Holy Spirit, your True Nature, Shekhina, and many other names. Her job is to offer you guidance and to assist you when you’re confused between love and fear.


She’s there to let you know where you’re not thinking with the Mind of God and to show you all the areas of your life where you’re not aligned with the Love of God. She uses every possible means to guide you back in the right direction. She may, at times, lead you into situations that you see as painful because this is what may be needed to put you in contact with the right Mind of God.


Jesus said, “Only drowning men can see me.”


He was pointing to the fact that the ego needs to be brought to its knees before it is ready to surrender to the guidance of the Holy Spirit or the Big She. This is not the punishment of God, but the punishment of mankind. God doesn’t punish, because God sees no evil. God always sees you as the perfect creation you are.


Your job is to find your way back to God’s perfect perception of you


You may want to beat up on or punish yourself for all the painful detours you have taken along the journey, but you should know that they were necessary for you to request the guidance of your Big She.


When you understand that you are loved (and you are loved every step of the way), and that fear is both unnecessary and non-existent, you’re on your way to merging with the right Mind of God.


You were Source energy before coming into this body, and you will continue as Source energy when leaving this body again. The major part of you is still Source energy right now. Your Big She is talking through that major part of you, to help you come back into alignment with who you really are.


Forgive all perceived wrongdoings on your own and on anybody else’s part. Everyone is connected. In reality, there is no separation. Once you know this, you are at home in the Mind of God.


The Awakened Woman: Who Is the Big She?


This is where being a modern woman gets really interesting: never before in history have so many women experienced the freedom of material wealth and personal power. The independent woman is growing both in maturity and the ability to see a world outside of her selfish need for survival.


She has come to a stage of self-realization where she is starting to internalize the feeling that she is more than her small, separate self. Up until this point, this has been more of an idealistic idea than a deep inner knowing. This is the time of the integration of your Big She.


The Big She has been known throughout history as the Wise Woman.

Every woman carries the seed of this knowledge in her womb, but few have been able or willing to use this power. In the old patriarchal paradigm, the Big She was deemed dangerous. Her power, Her wisdom, and Her independence from male protection made Her uncanny.


For most women, it was safer to live a life dependent on men rather than stepping into their wild feminine power.


She contains your highest potential for joy and happiness


She helps you maneuver through difficult times with grace. When you are in connection with Her, you will know. Even the most painful situations will pass quickly when you keep trusting in your inner guidance.

The Big She is coming to you to help you see those parts of your life that are not aligned with who you really are. She is lovingly, and sometimes forcefully, guiding you in the direction of your desires, dreams, and highest potential.


She is always there, inviting you into those parts of your life that can serve you with the deepest pleasure, joy, and creativity.


She is the life force energy running through everything in your environment.


She has the power to connect you to all that is.


She is the feeling sensation within the container of empty space.


She is what makes the miracles of the world happen on a daily basis.


She is the highest potential in the meeting between every human being at any moment of time.

She has been seen as a considerable threat to the establishment of churches and other traditional institutions. She carries the knowledge of womankind throughout history in her womb. She has access to information that's not available to men other than through loving partnership with women.


The superficial, wounded masculine (the small, hurt part in men -- and women -- who don’t want to feel or acknowledge the pain inflicted on them through misconceived sexuality for centuries) has no knowledge of Her. It then turns to the easy way out by calling women with certain powers drama queens, hysterical, prude, bitchy, and unfeminine.

The hurt feminine, in an attempt to protect her sacred heart, has shut down in pain


She's turning to superficial tricks such as make-up or pretty clothes to mask the fact that she's feeling empty inside. But from her deepest heart’s desire, she still longs to connect with the deep masculine. She's doing her best to attract a man who can fill her perineal restlessness or, even better, open up the gates of her womb to awaken the Big She.


To be able to create a coherent relationship with your Big She, consistent spiritual practice is necessary. She is unique to you and you should never compare your experience to that of another.


When it comes to inner work, everybody experiences their intuition differently.


Some people are auditive and get their message through spoken words, recitations of lyrics, or hearing song texts in their minds. Others are visual and see vivid pictures or movie scenes with their inner eye. Some are kinesthetic and have a physical reaction such as goosebumps or the feeling of touch when they’re connected to their Big She.


Whichever way works for you is perfect.

As you use the tools presented here to open your connection to Her, your ability to use all your intuitive senses will grow. Over time, your intuition will feel as familiar to you as your sense of sight, smell, taste, or touch.


This is not something out of this world, it is your natural awareness


In truth, it connects you more deeply to your life experience. This book will teach you how to embody your spirituality and how to use it to enhance your everyday life experience. We call this the embodiment of your Big She.


When awakening Her, you may find that you need to make powerful changes in your life.


It can be of great advantage, however, to stay in your current environment until you have regained your balance. When awakening the body and mind in these profound ways, you’re going to experience many changes in your life. When there’s an uprising of emotions and instability on the inside, it can be tempting to take premature action on the outside.


Even though you may not find your current environment optimal in terms of what you want to create in your life as a powerful woman, we recommend that you don’t take action until the feeling of stability has landed in your body.


Be aware that these deep sexual and spiritual practices will most of all bring changes to the way you see your world


You might experience temporary physical and emotional discomfort. This is part of the healing process and the awakening of the Big She. When that happens, please breathe and take it slow.

Humanity is in a special learning period of what the Big She is. The longing and the knowing of Her are there in the heart of everyone. She is what makes us go out over and over again, seeking each other’s company. Once you awaken Her inside of your body, there will be a period of time needed for self-sustaining practices before discovering your ability to connect with Her in relation to others.


You decide how much of Her you are willing to let in at any given time.


She is there all around you, like the feeling of love or life.

Even though others might not be connected to the awareness of Her, She and we encourage you in every moment to connect as deeply as you can to Her loving heart.


Your relationship with Her is the basis of all your human relationships, including the one you have with yourself. Through the practice of inviting Her into your life, you have the ability to show other people the way to connect in intimacy with Her.


There’s nothing you need to be, say, or do to convince others. All you need to do is to relax into your own knowing that everything is alright the way it is, and everyone is taken care of by the Big She, whether they know it or not. It is not yours or anybody else’s business to try to convince anyone -- just live and enjoy the ride.

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Website design and copy by Nadja Eriksson. Portraits by Jan Dahlqvist.

 

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