• Nadja Eriksson

How to find more meaning in casual sex

Updated: Jul 24, 2019

Do you like sex? Do you allow yourself to flow freely with other lovers in an open relationship, or are you a single and looking for adventure? No matter what your status may be, there are different ways of experiencing sex. Here, I am going to share a few tips with you on how to make love in a way that goes beyond two-bodied need-fulfilment, which usually leaves people feeling emptier and lonelier than before. Imagine the following scenario: you meet a man, and you find him hot. You're attracted to him, and there’s a lot of sexual energy moving between you. You both know you want to have sex. Right there and then, most women, consciously or unconsciously, go into musings whether the guy would be good boyfriend material, starting a sweet story of romantic dreaming in their heads about house, marriage and kids (read more about the Romantic Dream here.) Then they become sad and disappointed once they realise it won't happen, because the man really just wanted to have sex. You had different intentions, and now you feel heart-broken. If you have found yourself in such a situation before, you are having sex for the wrong reasons. Don't let this happen to you. If you choose to have one-night stands or casual sex, do it consciously. Otherwise, you'll end up feeling disappointed, battered, and lonely the morning after. Here are seven powerful ways in which to use your sexual energy in a way that serves you, your lovers and the greater good of all of oneness: 1.) Ask why. Again, if you are using sex because you're hoping the man will want to start a relationship with you, you are off. It might lead to a relationship, but not necessarily. Be aware of that, and drop all expectations about any future outcome. If you are clear that you want to have sex with someone because you like the flow of energy between you two, and you want to explore that deeper, go for it. If you are doing it out of neediness, or loneliness, you're going down the wrong path. Instead, learn to be with yourself first and to love your own company. Only then will you be able to share yourself with others from fulness rather than lack. 2.) Own your body and don't compromise with her. Once you've found that you want to have sex because you enjoy it and you have no romantic expectations of any kind, great. Now really inhabit in your body. Honour her by only doing what feels right for you in each moment. Really listen to her. There is nothing more sexy than a woman who really loves herself and is fully embodied. Never do things you don't really want to do just to please or get love, approval, and appreciation. That would just be hurting yourself. Find your definite "yes" and "no" in any situation and don't compromise with these boundaries. "No" is a full sentence and needs no further explanation. 3.) Pray for guidance. I can't emphasise the power of prayer enough. Pray for guidance, or for help to manifest your heart's deepest desire in each situation. What are you most longing for in that meeting? Deep heart connection, juicy horniness, or opening up to God? Whatever it is that you are longing for, pray to manifest that from your deepest heart. If your heart's desire is genuine, it will manifest effortlessly. First, give thanks for what you have right now-be grateful for everything, because it is your own creation. Then, pray for whatever else you want to manifest in your life. Finally, let it go completely and surrender the outcome to the Divine. 4.) Serve each other. Serving each other in love is the most beautiful thing people can do together. Sadly, most lovers are totally hooked on themselves and their own needs in love and sex, over-focusing on what they can get out of it. This makes them greedy, and keeps them emotionally and energetically disconnected from their lovers. It's not about what I can get (that's ego), it's about what I can give (that's spirit). If both people come from a mindset of serving, the meeting will be infused with fullness, abundance, and sharing of joy. If both just want to get something, they will end up feeling empty and bereft afterwards. Use the mantra "How may I serve?" and stay open to any intuition you receive. 5.) Open your heart to love. This may sound like some kind of woo new-age phrase, but there is meaning to this. Opening your heart in unconditional love to each person you meet intimately is the most beautiful gift you can give them. Yet, most people are terribly afraid of opening their hearts because it means making themselves vulnerable. That's because we are creating a story and expectations around the idea of opening our hearts to someone. Past and future get into the way. But all we need to do is get quiet and feel what is alive in your chest, while also feeling into your lover. From that place, you can meet them with kindness, openness, and devotion. You become the love and openness you are all longing for but have formerly reserved only for a committed ("special") lover. 6.) Love fully and let go. If you apply the above steps, your loving will be deep, intimate and opening. When we let go of fear, love arises effortlessly. We can use sex as a gateway to the Divine, and let our lover open us much deeper to God than we could ever open ourselves. Just as you feel your yearning to be opened, also feel the love, the openness, the softness and happiness bubbling up in your body after a deep sexual meeting. Feel it completely, breathe into it, savour each moment fully-and then let it go. Let the energy move through you, feeling it, being open to it, without clinging by building a story around it with your mind. The love that you have opened up to is yours alone forever, and has nothing to do with the person you were with. 7.) Dedicate your pleasure to the benefit of all beings. Don't try to keep your love to yourself. Let your newly opened heart shine out into the world as a gift to everyone you meet. Don't hide your joy, share it with others. Let love and openness radiate out through your heart, as God embodied in a human form. This has nothing to do with any particular being. Your lover has just helped you remember your true nature. Love is who you are. There is nothing you need to do, other than being the love you are at the depth of your inner being. Your presence will affect everyone around you, and your love's light will open the hearts of many.

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© Nadja Eriksson 2012-2020