Self-love: what nobody is telling you
Updated: Jul 24, 2019
Note: This article is excerpted from my forthcoming book "Awaken Your Big SHE" which I co-authored with my friend Ingunn Tennbakk.
The feeling of self-love doesn’t always come easily to a woman who is conditioned away from the knowing of her inherent worthiness. Establishing a loving and kind relationship with yourself can be a vulnerable journey, and you’ll likely run into some obstacles along the way.
If every woman knew her self-worth and how much she is loved, this book would be unnecessary. If you knew yourself like your Big She (the bigger part of you, your feminine Soul) knows you, you’d love and praise everything about you.
The question is not how much you are loved, the question is how aware are you of that love. Love can never be taken away from you because love is who you are. Yet your awareness of love may not always be so obvious to you.
Society portrays women as merchandise. In almost every area, we’re shown lacking. We should be younger, skinnier, taller, smaller, or smarter (but not too smart). The only thing you can be sure of is that women are portrayed as not good enough so companies can sell us more products. To see through this, you need to understand that buying another dress, using another face cream, or going on another diet will never get you to a place of inner fulfilment.
The pain you’re feeling from thinking you’re not good enough is in reality the pain of separation from God. God is love, and love sees no faults. Your fear-based ego is telling you that you’re lacking something, and thus you’re not good enough and not worthy of love. But your Big She is constantly sending you signals through your emotions. In this case, She's showing you that you’re not seeing yourself with the loving eyes of God but through the fear-based mind of ego.
So, what do you do when you are in such a situation? First of all, never beat up on yourself for not thinking of yourself with unconditional love. Don’t portray being loving of yourself if you’re not feeling it on the inside. Self-love can be difficult.
In the beginning, it may be enough for you to connect with love. Whether this love is for yourself or another being doesn’t even matter. As long as you’re connecting to love, you’re training your ability to feel love through your body.
This helps you distinguish between love and fear, which is for many people mixed up. You may have had parents who’d yell at you, be demanding, or manipulative, and put the word love on top of it. They may have beaten you while saying, “I’m only doing this because I love you,” while all you were feeling was fear and horror. You’ve mistaken the pain you felt in your heart in those incidences with love. This is not love, it’s suffering. So you may need to train yourself to be able to feel love again.
Self-love is a large and contradictory concept for many of us because it is often mistaken for selfishness or self-indulgence. In reality, it is a powerful way of caring for yourself that frees you from being dependent on the care of others. Self-love allows you to be fully connected to your Big She and to feel Her love from inside of your own body.
When you practice self-love, you recharge yourself with energy, which then overspills into your life experience, with all its relationships and daily encounters. Self-love implies that you’re totally worthy of God’s love and that you can fully feel it in your body. When you practice this, you train your ability to receive, open up and see reality as it is. It also prepares you for receiving your lover.
As you practice this, know that you’re doing it for the benefit of everyone and everything in this universe. Your ability to open up, receive, and feel your surroundings is what heals the world. Starting with yourself will help you realize your part in the bigger picture of life in a new way.
You feeling love in yourself is as important as breathing, eating, and exercising to keep your body healthy. Once you understand the power of love, you’ll gladly give it to yourself and everyone around you.
My mission as a spiritual teacher and author is to help you release the blocks that your ego has built to shield you from feeling yourself as love.
That's why I created something to help you connect with the presence of love within you: my free, five-day mini course "Discover Your Feminine Power."
In this course, I'm sharing five simple and effective exercises and meditations that you can start to practice today. There's so much to explore. Click here to sign up for the course for FREE now.
She-Practice: Love Yourself Like Nobody Else
In this She-practice, you start connecting to your body with unconditional love. Withdraw to your sacred space and bring the things that are needed for sacred connection with your body. Massage oil, incense or fabrics you like, or even your teddy bear in case you need comfort when painful emotions arise as you open more to love.
Get undressed as much as you are comfortable with. Lie on your back, placing one hand on your heart and the other on your womb-space. Begin with doing the Energy Meditation from module one by drawing energy from heaven and earth to clear out your field and to release any resistance.
Breathe deeply into your belly and feel into your body. Examine all the places where you hold tension and pain, and allow yourself to go there with your awareness. Meet these places without making up any stories as to why you’re holding tension there. Just notice it and ask for it to release.
Breathe love into these places of pain and allow your body to relax and soften. Use your hands as the tools they are for connecting to your body and put them on whatever part is intuitively calling for your loving touch. Feel the connection of the warmth of your hands through the skin of your body. If you feel drawn to it, proceed to do a gentle self-massage or push on those spots that call for extra attention.
Let your intuition guide you in the direction that you most benefit from going. Allow yourself emotional release of any kind. You may feel anger, sadness, fear, or even rejection towards yourself. Allow all of this to be there. Be aware that this is all part of the process of shedding layers of resistance in order to let love enter more deeply into your system.
Celebrate any emotions that may arise, and allow yourself to sink deeper and deeper into the connection with your own body and soul. Let the energy of self-love fill every cell of your body. Remain in this space of loving attention as long as you like. When you feel done, take a moment to reflect on the experience by writing in your journal.
Click here to sign up.